Preparing For Baby: Saving Your Dough...

As I have mentioned before, the first thing guys think of when they find out they have a kid on the way is finances.  One of the last things on a girl's mind when she finds out she has a kid on the way is...finances.  Of course we all have that fleeting panicky thought of "Can we afford this?!" but that quickly gives way to thinking of how the baby will look, how we will look pregnant, and what shall the name be.  The truth is it's hard to calculate exactly how much a baby will cost because you most-likely won't know if you are breast-feeding or formula feeding until the baby arrives.  You also won't know how many diapers your baby will go through in a given month and who knows how many doctors appointments your child might have.  


Those are things that will be adjusted as you go so you just have to assume they will be equal to at least another grocery bill or Target trip per month.  And with a financial advisor for a husband I would be in serious trouble for not at least mentioning the importance of saving for college.  *If you need a good financial advisor to help you set this up I know someone.  But there are some financial aspects for which you can prepare.  Here are a list of some things will inevitably sneak into your budget...

• Eating Out...Hopefully you will be fortunate to have friends or family around to cook for you during the first few weeks home but even this help will eventually die out.  Just because you have made it through your first 4 weeks home does not mean you are ready to saddle back up to the stove.  Some days you will be too tired others you will forget to take out the meat to thaw.  And most days you will just not feel like cooking, instead you will be dying to just get out of the house and see other non-cooing humans!  On these nights you will thank yourself for stashing some cash for emergency take-out trips.  I would venture to say this fund is a little more important than the emergency room fund.

• Pedicures...Never underestimate the power of a good foot rubbing!  With a new baby around a lot of your own needs will go unnoticed and that includes your feet.  To walk into a place where it is quiet, soothing, and stashed with wine will feel like you have just escaped Survivor Island and walked into The Ritz.  Save some money for this little slice of heaven for at least a once/monthly treat.

• Starbucks...Do I really need to explain why?  If so then here is what I want you to do.  Stay up all night tonight and then try to function tomorrow like normal without any caffeine.  Let me know how that goes.  

• Store-roaming funds...It may be when the baby is 6 weeks old, maybe 2 days old but at some point (and many thereafter) you will find yourself strolling the aisles of a store.  For me it is usually Target.  Its usually evening time and my husband has taken one look at me and said, "You need to get away."  Instead of hopping a flight, which I would consider if I weren't too tired to pack, I head to a store where I can roam, stare blankly at things, and just be alone.  I avoid the toy section, run past the diaper aisle, and linger as long as I want in the shoes.   Most of the time I just push a cart so I simply have something to lean on but others I actually buy something.  Whether it's a candy bar, new make-up or a card for my husband for giving me the evening off I am always in need of some extra cash for these trips.

• BABYSITTERS...Even if you have family in town you are bound to run into a night when your usuals are out of town, the kids have driven you to the edge, and the only light at the end of the tunnel is that 15 -year-old boy across the street.  Hey, all he has to do is sit there while the kids sleep and make sure the house doesn't catch fire.  He has watched the dog before.  He would probably be happy to be paid in Doritos.  Its worth it!  Hand him a $20 and get out for awhile.  (This may or may not have happened in this house on more than one occasion.)

Preparing For Baby: Start Thinking Like a Boyscout...

Their motto is "Always Be Prepared" and it should have been referring to mothers.  One of the biggest things to work on after becoming a mother is to always be prepared.  In fact, you really should start working on it before the baby comes.  Anywhere you can in your daily life, start thinking about being two steps ahead.  This type of mentality will help your days run smoother once the baby is here.


Have you ever watched an episode of 16 and Pregnant?  Does it stress you out, like it does me when you hear these young girls talking about their plans for when the baby arrives?  Like, the one girl who felt reassured by having $138 dollars in her savings account.  Because that would get her through oh, 1 month of baby expenses if that!  Or the couples who start discussing where they will live mere weeks before the baby is due.  None of these young girls seem to understand the importance of being ready whether its financially or by having the material things.  And they have an excuse...they are 16!!  Most of us however are well out of high school and can understand the major changes a baby will bring.  One of the biggest being the total disruption of your previous daily habits.


Once the baby has arrived you will be sleep deprived...surely no one has mentioned this fact to you already (ha ha).  But not only are you just sleepy, you are incapable of remembering all of the things you need for any given outing in this sleep deprived haze.  Hence the reason for always having a well-packed diaper bag.  Just as you have your necessities in your purse now, your diaper bag needs to always be organized and ready to go.  You never know when you are going to need to run out in a hurry and you don't want to waste time searching for wipes and passies.  You also don't want to get out and realize you don't have any diapers with you.  Each evening before you go to bed check your diaper bag and replace anything that is low.


Prepare for emergencies by also keeping a stash of supplies in your car.  I always have some extra diapers, wipes, a blanket, and passy in my car.  I also stash some crackers and toys for inevitable traffic, long lines, and waiting rooms.


At some point your infant is going to wake up with an ear infection, fever, or sore gums.  The last thing you want to have to do is run to a store in the middle of the night.  Always have infant Tylenol, Motrin, and Vapor rub on hand.  Even if you only have to use it once a year, that one time you will thank yourself for being so prepared.


Do not be caught in a bind by a sudden squirt or explosion...pack an extra outfit for your child in your diaper bag and possibly one in the car.  It doesn't hurt to have an extra for yourself as well.


Once you have regained your sanity and are ready for a road trip you will encounter the task of packing for a baby.  You would think something so little wouldn't require a lot of stuff but you will find that they require more than you and your husband combined.  First, start packing well in advance.  You are sure to be interrupted a million times so a head start will help.  Also make a list!  I suggest doing it the first time on your computer.  Save it so that for future trips you can just print a new copy and start checking it off. Update the list as your baby gets bigger and you are sure to reach your destination with everything you need.


By the same token it may be helpful to create and save a list for babysitters.  Whether you are using family or a neighbor you are going to want them to know all of the instructions for your baby. Although you may have to update eating schedules and sleep routines often, the basic information will stay the same.  You also won't have to think on the spot while trying to get dressed and out the door each time a sitter arrives.  Make sure to include all important numbers like your own, the pediatrician, and poison control.


Last but not least plan to start doing everything 30 minutes earlier than you did pre-baby.  There is always bound to be a last minute "emergency" when you are trying to leave the house with a baby.  Whether its due to a dirty diaper, spit up on your outfit, or in our house a wet shirt from playing in the dog bowl give yourself ample time to get out the door.

Preparing For Baby: Preparing Your Marriage...

How did you react when you found out you were pregnant?  Were you trying or was it a complete shock?  Either way I am sure we all shared the same mixed feelings of joy, fear, and excitement.  Now how about your husbands?  If they were at all like mine they were totally shocked, even when we were trying.  Most guys react with a mixture of disbelief, happiness, and pride (for some reason they just feel like the man). 

Once the initial shock wears off most women begin preparing.  We tell our close friends and the occasional grocery store cashier, we start tossing around names, and we immediately feel a maternal instinct.  We feel protective and close with that little, tiny bean way before ever hearing a heartbeat.  We want their room to be perfect and their drawers filled with little clothes.  We think about everything we eat or drink and do our best to nurture the growing baby inside.  All of this begins almost as soon as we see that positive sign.

Meanwhile, our spouses are doing none of this.  Most guys find out their wife is expecting and the first thing on their mind are finances.  Where we imagine walks in the park and storytime, they think about college tuition and wedding expenses.  It’s not that men aren’t excited about their offspring but they are built to be providers.  They want to take care of their family and this child will be the first real test of their abilities as the “man of the family.” 

When they aren’t thinking about finances, dads-to-be are probably thinking about 1 of 2 things: sports or sex.  Most guys don’t get too excited about registering or talking about what color eyes the baby might have.  Guys seem to have a hard time thinking about, much less talking about the hypothetical and that’s exactly what the baby is until he or she arrives.  I would say pregnancy doesn’t really become real to guys until the delivery room.  That’s not to say that there aren’t a lot of amazing guys who will run out for ice cream and rub your feet but as far as being mentally prepared for a baby most guys are a few steps behind their wives. 

The most important thing to remember while pregnant (and maybe even shortly after) is that your husband is not trying to be insensitive or unexcited.  He will eventually catch up and realize the hugeness of this child but until then you will have to exercise extreme patience.  Cut him some slack while he contemplates your finances and allow him time to settle on this news.  Remember that even though he doesn’t want to discuss whose toes the baby will have he is just as happy and anxious for the little one’s arrival.  Prepare yourself for maybe even some unlikely behavior.  Case in point, my husband who has never been into bachelor parties or Maxim magazine decided that it would be ok to let one of his single friends take him to a strip club while I was 8 months pregnant for a “pre-baby last night out.”  Needless to say this did not happen when I was pregnant with #2.

Maybe it’s a good thing that women start mentally and emotionally preparing so early on because the men will need your strength and calmness when they enter the delivery room and finally realize that a baby is in fact on the way.  They will also need your patience after the baby is home.  Some guys are amazing and just know to pitch in with feedings and diaper changes.  Others however will not be ready to step up to the plate.  The best way to combat this is with being able to let go of control and allow them to do things their own way.  Don’t stifle his attempts by being too controlling on how things should be done.  So he doesn’t change the diaper how you do?  Or doesn’t put the baby in a matching outfit?  Who cares?!  It is one less time you have to change, diaper, or feed the baby and he needs to build his confidence in these areas. 

Becoming parents is a huge change for both of you and even if at times you feel as though your husband is another child to raise remember that he too is trying to find his footing and he will get there even though it may take him a little longer than you!

Preparing for Baby: Things They Don't Tell You...

That would be "they" as in your doctor, your mom, and your friends who have kids.  Even though it seems as though everywhere you turn someone is offering up advice, there are some things that no one is going to tell you.  These will be the very things that happen to you and you respond with "Why did no one tell me about this?!"  Maybe its because we blocked it out or maybe we all just have a heart and realize that there is no good in scaring an unsuspecting pregnant lady.  Either way its not right so I am going to clue you in to a few of the not-so-pretty-things that no one talks about.


First, the physical aspects that come after birth.  Since you are already pregnant it is safe to say you have already experienced some uncomfortable changes in your body.  You have felt the pain of your hips or ribs spreading, you know to cross your legs before sneezing, and you have maybe even started producing breast milk.  After the baby is out you will continue to notice physical changes.  The biggest will be when your milk comes in.  This usually happens 24 hours or so after delivering.  How will you know when your milk has arrived?  You will wake up with large boulders on your chest.  The pain of rock-hard milk glands will wake you up a couple of days post delivery and they will continue to go into Dolly Parton mode every few hours for the next few weeks.  As for your nipples (my most hated word BTW) they will also become bigger to match up to your new D-cups.  Don't be scared of them, they will go back to regular size after awhile.


In addition to your "upstairs" area changing you will also notice things going on below.  My friend tried to prepare me for this with a subtle gift basket at my shower.  It was filled with witch hazel, mattress-size pads, and preparation-H...need I say more.  You can also anticipate some uncomfortable-ness when using the bathroom during the first few weeks, or possibly months.  During labor you may have a catheter but even if not UTI's and kidney infections are not rare post partum.  As for the dreaded "first bowel movement" the nurses will give you stool softeners in the hospital to prepare.  For most women it really is a non-event.  What isn't a non-event are the horrible gas pains that can occur a couple of weeks after giving birth.  I am not sure what is going on with the female body after delivery but it can be very painful so have some anti-gas medication on hand.  


Not nearly as uncomfortable but just as important to prepare for is the change in your hair.  Not only will you have a loose stomach, sore nether regions, and bags under your eyes, you will also be saying good bye to that great pregnancy hair.  No more thick, shiny tresses.  You will now have limp, sad hair.  At least I did.  It seemed as though overnight I lost the great hair brought on by pregnancy hormones and said hello to a sad mop on top.  Same for the pregnancy glow.  Sorry, its true.


The last but definitely most important physical change to prepare for is your change in hormones.  Obviously you know that your levels will change and things will begin to go back to their pre-pregnancy state but no one prepared me for how drastically hormones can affect things.  It happens somewhere around the third week post-delivery.  For me I just woke up one morning and felt on-edge.  And by on edge I mean a complete irrational, crying mess.  Not to mention the hot flashes.  If this is a preview of menopause then I am afraid...very afraid.  Of course if you are feeling more than just a little "off" tell someone immediately and seek professional help.  Post partum depression is no joke.


As with everything in the first few months after delivery these changes are temporary for the most part.  Slowly things will shift back to normal both physically and mentally, at least back to a new normal.  The bags under your eyes don't last forever and although some body parts never fully go back to their pre-baby position, they do at least de-flate, de-swell, or de-spread.

Preparing for Baby: The 3 Friends You will Need...

Once you have registered you can breathe a huge sigh of relief.  You will (hopefully) have the material things underway so you can focus on preparing mentally.  The best way to do this is with an evaluation of your support system.  We have all heard the saying that it takes a village to raise a child and its the truth.  No matter how much you feel like you are ready for this new adventure and how sure you are that you and your husband can do it alone, you will absolutely need extra support.  Your "village" needs to consist of some very important friends so take a good look around and make sure these women are a quick phone call away...


1.  The Veteran:  This is the friend who already has children.  She can help you register, pick a pediatrician, and install your car seat in 30 seconds flat.  She also knows how to deal with your leaky bladder, swollen ankles and stuffy nose.  She has endured epidurals, catheters, and labor pains and she is happy to share all of her tips with you.  The Veteran will be crucial when you feel overwhelmed and sleep deprived.  She will talk you off the ledge with soothing advice from a girl who has been-there-and-done-that!


2.  The Preggo Buddy:  This is the friend who is going the distance and the nine months with you.  Whether she is someone you have known for a long time or just met at you OBGYN, she will be your new best friend.  Someone with whom you can share every symptom, fear, and excitement, the Preggo Buddy will be happy to talk for hours on end about all things pregnancy.  And even better she will have an instant playmate for your child!  


3.  The Girl From Your Past:  This is the friend who does not know exactly what you are going through.  She is still running fancy free with no children in sight.  She is your old going-out buddy who is still living the non-bump life.  Although you two are in different phases right now, she will be important for giving you a taste of your old life.  She can go through her relationship woes and go on spur-of-the-moment trips while you live vicariously through her.  She will also be the first one in line to take you out when you are ready for a night away from the baby.  And just think one day you can be "The Veteran" to her! 

Preparing for Baby: Registry 101...

Note: LONGEST post ever written.


Pregnant?  Check.  Little pooch?  Check.  Bigger appetite?  Check.  A clue as to what you need for this baby?  No!!


We have all been there, pregnant for the first time and suddenly scared of having to register.  So many choices and even if you are a "researcher" there is just an overload of information.  In an attempt to simplify things here is a list to help you tackle your registry/shopping.


1.  REGISTER!  Its not that fun and takes a good chuck of time but do it.  People want to buy things for you and they need help knowing what you prefer for your baby.  Even if you don't end up keeping what they buy you can always put it towards store credit, a.k.a DIAPERS!  


2.  Where to register?  Most cities have these chains but definitely if you are in Charlotte I would go with either Buy Buy Baby, Babies R Us, and/or Target (I would do one of the baby stores and Target).  As for which baby store, they are pretty similar.  If you like Bed, Bath, and Beyond you will love Buy Buy Baby (same chain).  Babies R Us is sure to have anything you need as well.  Both stores accept each others coupons too but only if they are not expired.


3.  Carseats.  I personally feel like this is one of, if not the most important item on your list.  Obviously your child's safety is of utmost concern and they will also spend a lot of time in this thing.  In a nutshell anything made by Britax is going to be as safe as it gets.  It is one of the priciest brands but again if there is one area to splurge this would be it.  There are also great options from Graco, Evenflo, Chicco, and Safety 1st (just Google "safest car seats" and specific seats from each brand will be listed on numerous sites).  The main thing to take into consideration are the car seat laws (which seem to change weekly).  Choose a seat that will be able to grow with your baby.  I would definitely recommend an infant carrier for the first several months.  Your baby can sleep in it and not have to be disturbed to be moved to a stroller.  Choose one that is light weight for your own sake.  Down the road I would suggest the convertible seats so that your child can use it through booster-hood.  Just check the weight limits and go with a trusted brand that fits your budget.


4.  The big 6.  These items are the other things that I consider your most used baby gear.  If you are deciding where to put your money these are things that you won't want to leave out:

• stroller:  Either the Baby Trend Snap-n-Go or Graco Snug Ride frame strollers are the way to go.  The easiest way to transport your baby is to pop out their seat, snap it into the stroller, and be on your way.  The baby stays asleep and you don't have to lug a massive stroller in and out of your car.  I may cause a ruckus here but I see zero point in the large travel-system strollers.  Once the baby is past the infant seat stage a lightweight umbrella stroller is the way to go.  That is if they will even stay in a stroller at that point!
• pack n play:  Somewhere along the road you are going to take a trip or have house guests meaning you will need a portable bed for the little one.  Brand is not as much a factor as features.  Choose a pack n play that has the changing table and bassinet attachments.  This will be an extra spot for changing and napping during the early days.  No matter which brand you go with prepare to need a physics degree to open and close it.
• papsan:  This little vibrating chair will be your newborn's second home for much of the first few months.  I was thrilled with my Fisher Price edition because it lasted through two boys and was easy to clean.  Pick one with a removable cover for washing!  As far as a papsan vs a swing...a swing is on my list of "things to borrow."  Some kids love the motion of a swing but some, like mine, don't.  We may have used our swing once or twice but I have friends whose kids lived in it. The papasan will definitely get used so maybe just test out a friend's swing before purchasing your own.
• bottles:  Even if you plan to breast feed until kindergarten you should still have some bottles on hand.  You do not want to be stuck at 3 am with a screaming infant, no milk supply, and no bottles and in that case formula.  I would recommend Dr. Brown's simply because I have used them and they were miracle workers for my son's sensitive stomach.  Considering most newborns battle gas it doesn't hurt to get the bottles designed to combat it.  
• Aiden and Anais swaddling blankets:  I am not a brand-freak but these blankets are hands-down my favorite!  They are made of a really light fabric and are huge compared to the swaddling blankets you will receive at the hospital.  There are all kinds of "miracle" blankets on the market but with these you really only need to know how to swaddle.  They are fool-proof because you can wrap and wrap until your hearts content...and they are happy little burritos.  
• monitor:  Other than watching your baby eat and stare you will also want to watch them sleep.  You will definitely start to feel like a stalker.  For best stalking abilities you will want a video monitor.  The Summer Infant Slim handheld monitor is always ranked highly and although costly it will save you many unnecessary trips to the nursery.

Now, obviously there a lot of other things you will need but those are my top 6.  Once you have those accounted for its time to move on to these items:

• bath tub:  I have gone two routes on this.  With baby #1 I bought the tub with toys attached, a neck cushion, and hammock.  He seemed to enjoy it but it did become bulky after awhile.  When he was old enough to support his neck I started using the Bumbo for his bath seat.  With baby #2 I opted for just an infant bath sponge.  This was much easier to move in and out of the tub, was very inexpensive, and he was plenty comfortable.
• high chair:  I did not register for this just because you don't need it right away.   I waited until we started solid foods and then choose a Peg Perego for its good reputation.  Anything with wheels and a removable top tray is the way to go.
• exersaucer:  Same as with a high chair you may not use this until the baby has some neck control.  Evenflo has a great selection.
• play gym:  In the beginning your baby will spend a lot of time on the floor swatting at toys.  Play gyms are great for teaching them hand-eye coordination and it will give them endless hours of entertainment.
• diaper trash cans:  Champ or Genie?  I vote Champ simply because you can use regular (cheaper) trash bags and the Genie requires use of their special bags.  We also have often just used our regular trash cans.

If you are breast-feeding:

• breast pump:  Medela is the long-standing trusted brand.  They also make any attachment or accessory that you may need.  I would defintiely look into borrowing one or renting one from your hospital because you may not end up using it for long, or at all.  
• Breast Friend or Boppy:  This is like asking Republican or Democrat.  People are definitely on one side or the other.  I won't reveal my allegiance but if possible test one out to see which is more comfortable for you.  Its totally personal preference.  Let your husband test it too bc it will be his pillow at the hospital.
• breast pads, nipple butter, storage bags:  nuff said.  Oh, except about the pads I would suggest thin ones that don't make circular bulges under your clothing.
• formula:  At least one can for emergencies.  The hospital will also send you home with some sample bottles.

   Other things I have learned along the way:

• IKEA has great crib sheets.  They are $6 for a pack of two and are plain white so they will match any bedding.  You will want extra sheets on hand and these are great because they are super stretchy and easy to get on and off.  Plus you can bleach any stains.
• Buy extra bottles if you are bottle-feeding.  You will wash more at one time but you will always have one on hand instead of washing between each feeding.  I suggest at least 8-10.
• Lots of white onesies.  Yes its fun to buy those cute, tiny clothes but the truth is you will change the baby a thousand times a day and you will hardly feel like finding that matching shirt and pants.
• Choose a sturdy, durable diaper bag.  I was given a Lands End canvas bag (the small size) and it is all I ever need.  The material holds up to abuse and it has room for all the essentials.  Buy Buy Baby has a great selection as well!
• Keep a journal.  I kept a log of feedings, poops, pees, and milestones.  Although you think you will remember it all, you won't.  It helps when you are sleep-deprived and for when you start all over again with another baby.
• under-eye concealer, dry shampoo, coffee:  Do what it takes to look presentable until you have rejoined the land of the living.  

  *If I have another baby I am getting the Nap Nanny.  It would be such a great, covenient way to let a newborn nap.  It is inclined so I am sure helps with gas and could replace the pack-n-play in the early stages when the baby can't move.


*A bassinet can be handy but it is also on my "borrow list."  Between the pack-n-play feature and just using the crib (even though they look so small!) this is not something to invest in unless you just really want to.


For all the other things on your list just do go with your gut.  Don't waste a lot of time stressing over which bibs or what pacifier.  Ask a couple of close friends what they used and then choose what you feel best fits your family.  This will be great practice for motherhood.  There will be so many times that there are too many options, endless questions, and lack of experience but at the end of the day you are now mom and will have to make those decisions.  Trust yourself and call it a day!