Guest Blogger: I'm Done Mom'd Out

I wish I could say I know this guest blogger but I only do through her writing.  Does it count that we exchanged an email once?!  I laughed so hard reading her book, "Sippy Cups Are Not for Chardonnay" that I emailed her to say so and to my disbelief she actually responded.  So we are pretty much friends, right?  Anyways I love this woman because she is hilarious, as sarcastic as they come, and completely nails it when it comes to motherhood.  She is a recovering alcoholic, hence the drinking reference at this end of this post, and manages to even keep that subject honest and open.  I could cut and paste from her blog all day long but I am pretty sure that would not be considered blogging on my part so I will just share some of my favorites from time to time.  This one just seemed fitting with Spring Break looming for most of us.  Yes, I said looming...lets not pretend its a week we all look forward to!

Via Stephanie Taylor-Wilder

Okay here comes the typical rant minus any actual ranting because I’m not angry, I’m just tired -so very tired. My little ones were on a break from school -because apparently the curriculum at preschool which consists of story time, outside play, the letter Q and tracing the outline of their hand gets tough to maintain. The first week of the break (because they need two weeks -imagine if they focused on the letter Q and the letter S -they’d need a month off) there was an optional camp. Camp is where you pay a week’s tuition over and above the tuition you already pay to keep your kids out of your house for half the break. I probably don’t have to tell you that I took them up on their generous offer. But then last week no such camp was available so it was just me and the twins and my older daughter had half days all week.
Here’s a challenge: get two three-year-old’s up and dressed and strapped into a minivan to take a six-year-old to school by 8:15 every day for a week. Good luck. If you can do it five straight days without being tardy even one, you are a better parent than I. While I’m on the subject of tardy, it’s incredibly anxiety provoking to know that when you bring your child to school late, you are forced to go to the office and get a “late pass.” It feels no different than junior high school! I swear to God I wouldn’t be surprised if I suddenly developed a raging case of pizza face, sweat circles under my arms and a crush on a popular dad from the damn stress of it all. When I was in high school I was late almost every day. Mostly when I was late it was on purpose because I was hanging out with my friends at McDonald’s trying to avoid homeroom and first period and also because I was defiant, disliked authority (still do) and basically didn’t give a shit. But now I’m a mom and I do care! My heart starts beating like a hummingbird as soon as I start the car and see the clock says 8:05 and I realize with a sick feeling that getting to school on time is a long shot that will require a potent combination of no traffic and not hitting red lights.
Back to my original post subject (which I’ll be the first to admit is boring). I often feel like I’m a hot mess who is not holding it together in any area of my life. I physically look a mess in the a.m., my house is a wreck, my children rarely wear socks, I cook dinner only a couple nights a week and baths are the exception and not the rule (that includes me). I don’t know how other people do it. I really don’t. Maybe if I read more parenting magazines or watched more mommy makeover tv or, I don’t know, read websites devoted to telling me how to make healthy meals on the go or manage my time more efficiently or whatever. Unfortunately, I just can’t get myself interested in self improvement.
I struggled through that week almost losing my mind many times but yesterday they were back in school. And yesterday started my older daughter’s two week spring break. And…I no longer drink.