Medicated Moms...

So I know this topic will probably have you all split right down the middle.  Like a lot of subjects with motherhood, I am sure there are basically two camps on this, those for and those against.  If there is one lesson I am reminded of over and over again with motherhood it is DON'T JUDGE.  As soon as you do you will be stuffing a passy in your kid's mouth, using formula, or swaddling past 5 months.  One of my favorite things to do for fun is listen to people without any kids talk about what they will never do with their own children.  I did it.  You did too.  I think passing judgement is a just a way for moms to reassure themselves that what they are doing is great, because really in the back of all of our mind's we really aren't sure if we are doing it right or not. 

Aside from all of the things we debate over regarding our children, like breast-feeding, sleep schedules, vaccines/no vaccines, and on and on there are also subjects of our own well-being.  Should you go back to work?  Should you have more children?  Should you do the boob job now or later?  There are a lot of stresses that come with motherhood and the issue of your mental health is one that a lot of mothers struggle with.  I cannot speak on post-partum depression but I can tell you that there have been many days that I felt overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious.  With my first it was because everything was so new and every decision felt monumental.  When we added my second it was just because I didn't feel like I could keep it all together.  I still don't a lot of days.

For me the root of most of my stress comes from lack of sleep.  I used to sleep like a champ but after kids I can't remember the last time I have had deep peaceful sleep.  Whether its my son waking us up early or racing thoughts at night, my brain never seems to shut down.  It seems like such a simple problem but being tired has definitely affected my interaction with my kids as well as my husband.  I can be near tears just because a drink is spilled or I can't find my shoes.  I also, embarrassingly, have screamed at my kids for trivial things.  I know I don't have to tell you all how it feels at the end of the day when I think back to times I lost my you-know-what over something so stupid.  And all because I am just so freaking tired.    

I did try natural sleep remedies and even Ambien but neither really kept me from waking up going over that stupid to-do list.  I finally, finally decided to ask my doctor his opinion and after hearing my sleep patterns he suggested an anti-anxiety medicine.  I trust my doctor totally and he said it is very common for women to be kept awake due to anxiety.  This medicine will help shut down that part of my brain.  So...I have taken the medicine and....I am sleeping like college again (minus a hang-over in the morning!).  I would never recommend any medicine to anyone but for me this solution is right for me for right now.    I know that right now I need this help to be more patient and a properly functioning mother.

I share this only because I think a lot of women feel ashamed of needing help.  Whether its medicine, therapy, yoga, or just a set girls night once-a-week, do what you need to feel sane.  Just make sure that it is legal and healthy.   Going to jail or ending up on an episode of Intervention is not the way to go here! It is important to acknowledge that each year is different and just because you could handle something a year ago doesn't mean that you may not be overwhelmed by it this year.  And thats OK!!  I don't want to waste time crying over spilled milk, literally, and I don't think it is fair to my kids to act like a raging lunatic just because I am not sleeping well.  One day down the road I will stop taking medicine and devote some time to getting back on a healthy sleep pattern naturally but for now I am taking the help.