Amazingly I spent 3 hours yesterday morning in the kitchen cooking!! If you aren’t shocked then you are one of very few people who I have not lamented to about my hate strong dislike of cooking. As a perfectionist this inability to cook has been a real thorn in my side. In general I have found in my life that if I truly put my mind to something I can figure it out and become somewhat proficient at it. However cooking has eluded me for so long that in the past few years I just quit pursuing it all together. My attitude was pretty poor, I declared I hated it, couldn’t do it and it became a self fulfilling prophecy. I chalked it up to something that just wasn’t me…but alas something, or someone wouldn’t allow me to leave it at that. Seriously God? You are going to use cooking to teach me a lesson?? It appears that is exactly what He is going to do J
In the background of my ongoing battle with the recipes and pots and pans I have been inundated with messages of finding joy, true biblical God given joy. It has appeared in my daily devotionals, church sermons, discussions with friends, conversations with my husband...enough so that it’s one of those times you just have to accept God HAS to be telling you something. Biblical joy is that joy that isn’t necessarily happiness but a deep seated knowledge that if everything else in our world is wrong we have reason to celebrate because our eternity is secured and there is a place for us in heaven with Jesus! This joy enables us to see beyond our current circumstances and keeps our eyes focused on the reward at the end of the race.
I will be honest, I have been struggling with finding joy. I don’t doubt where I will spend eternity nor do I doubt that it will be well worth every difficult moment spent getting there. But it is hard to stay focused on that when life gets hard and messy and you feel like you are messing up way more than you are getting it right. I have found myself bogged down in financial stress, desperation for a home of our own, exhausted from my kids constant bickering and of course really irritated of the daily reminder that I need to cook in order to feed my family!! Funny how cooking is the smallest thing on that list and yet it has been the one to really get me most lately?? It may have to do with the fact that as we reviewed our budget this week I was forced to face the exhorbitant amount of cash we are spending on eating out…yikes!! Bottom line is that this mama has got to learn to cook and be better organized in the meal planning pronto!
So I prayed about it. Yep, I prayed that God would help me want to cook, want to learn and to have a better attitude in the kitchen and God, via Facebook, answered big time!! I got all kinds of recipes and suggestions and fellow comrades who are struggling with the same thing (love how God included that b/c it’s always nice to know you aren’t the only one struggling—God is so good). One of the offers I immediately took advantage of was a friend’s offer to come and learn how to prepare 3 meals she likes to make. I was really a bit anxious because as I read her list of ingredients I wasn’t even sure what several of the things were and I had to ask her what exactly a sauce pan was and then tell her I didn’t even have one!! Upon arriving at her house I realized I had forgotten several ingredients and my insecurity continued. As I said earlier, I am a perfectionist and this doesn’t always make me the best student. I like to be the one who knows how to do it all, I like to be the teacher and I like to think that my way is best. Here I was a student, totally clueless and lost…not an easy place for this Type A’er to be!! But thankfully this was a dear friend who lovingly showed me a sauce pan (pretty nice and handy) and only smiled a little when I admitted I had never used a meat thermometer. As I bumbled through measuring, dicing and timing everything just right I found myself relaxing and trusting in my cooking coach and suddenly I was enjoying myself! All I could think about was the fact that I was going to serve a decent meal to my family AND I would have two other meals ready to go for the rest of the week!!! Best of all was that I had a fresh dose of confidence. I could do this and if I trusted my friend and listened carefully to her instructions I could even do it well and learn to enjoy it!
Much of my joy seeking has been a result of what I found in the kitchen. I have been feeling a bit inadequate, scared that I just can’t do it, nervous that I will make a mess of it again and just plain irritated at having to do it at all. What I learned in my cooking lesson translated so perfectly into my life! I don’t know the answer to our financial situation, I don’t know when or how we will get our own house, I don’t have the cure for bickering kids and I really don’t cook well. But if I will admit all that in humility instead of becoming angry and just quitting a loving teacher named Jesus will come alongside me and slowly teach me one step at a time. As I allowed myself to be taught and accepted my shortcomings I opened myself up to learn and to get excited about the outcome!
I am doing a bible study on the book of James and the chapter we studied this week had some verses that summed this all up perfectly for me….”Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything…. Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. “ James 1:2-3, 12
My joy is staying focused on that crown of life and now I might even be crowned queen of the kitchen, LOL!!
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