When you were still swimming in the dating pool, what was it that caught your eye? What were you looking for in that special someone? Chances are it's not too terribly different that what you're looking for in a friend (Although it could get a little awkward when I ask my new friend to change the little one's diaper or read him a book). The list usually goes something like this...dependable, honest, trustworthy, funny, common interests, etc. So when you're looking for a good friend maybe you should look at it as if you're still that younger you looking for Mr. Right.1. Don't look desperate- A good man can smell it from a mile away and so can a girlfriend. You may think you and Mrs-I-love-her-hair would hit it off but if you come on too strong and don't give the poor girl a minute to just get to know you, it could be over before it even began.
2. Don't be shallow- Mom was right when she told us over and again to "never judge a book by it's cover". Maybe in high school it was acceptable to pick your friends based on whether you could share clothes or how popular the other was but if you keep that up you just may miss out on a really great friendship. I think there's something to be said for a gut reaction as to whether you and a fellow mommy will hit it off but don't let it stop there. Strike up a conversation and you may just be surprised what you find.
3. Don't be quick to judge- One of the first things I checked out on a guy when I was still dating was their shoes. I can't tell you how many guys I didn't give a second glance to because of a poor choice in footwear. Honestly, it could have been Brad Pitt in a pair of man sandals and he wouldn't have gotten so much as a handshake. Although, this theory did lead me to my knight in sandy Rainbows but that's beside the point. The point is that I could have missed out on some really special people had I continued to be so quick to judge. You never know the day your fellow mommy has had and heaven knows it's hard to pull it together when you're last on the priority list. Imagine if someone caught you on that Target run at 8am when you realized you had run out of diapers and hadn't had time to so much as brush your teeth or get the kiddo out of their pjs. Yeah, no judgement necessary, we've all been there.
4. Don't dominate the conversation- So the handsome stranger finally asks for your name and 30 minutes later you've launched into "...and then this one time in 3rd grade..." Honey, this is not going to end well. Chances are he's desperately looking for an exit and so will your potential new friend. Listen, people want to learn about you and they're feeling you out as much as you're feeling them out. But if the conversation is not a give and take then your fellow mommy is going to feel more like a shrink than a new friend.
5. Most importantly, be yourself! What's the point of telling Mr. Right you just love to hike and never ever eat fast food when down the road he's inevitably going to find you channel surfing with a mouth full of french fries? It's so much more work than it's worth to create a fictionalized you when the real you is who will be there at the end of the day. I find it unbelievably refreshing when a fellow mommy admits to a complete freak out on her kid or also having had a "headache" the previous night. It's real! It's who we are and what's the point of trying to make a friend if you're just going to be some cleaned up version of yourself? Chances are the girl you're talking to is sighing in relief that you're so honest...and probably checking out your shoes, too.
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