***If you have made your way back to Momsie, I am so glad you found us! We had some technical issues with the domain name so make note of the new web address. Another good reason to "follow" us and "like" us on Facebook so you can stay in the know!! Pass the word to people still searching for Momsie!***

Monday, October 10, 2011

Awk Ward...

I am having a lot of awkward moments thanks to this whole miscarriage business. After taking the last couple of weeks to just process it all and give myself time to start healing, I have found that there are a lot of uncomfortable moments as a result of having gone through something traumatic.  As I told you, taking that time out for myself was very cathartic and I am so very, very happy I did it.  There is a lot to be said for just allowing yourself to feel all the feelings, good or bad, instead of trying to move on too quickly.  

So as I came out of that time away I felt pretty good.  I have been surprising even myself with how strong I feel.  Most of that is due to the fact that I have had a lot of alone time to think and cry and just be with my thoughts.  Understandably the people around me are cautious in how they approach me.  I know they all just want to make sure that they don't say the wrong thing which I really appreciate but unfortunately there are way too many opportunities for people to say the "wrong thing."  Hence, the awkward moments.  I don't find what they are saying to be hurtful or insensitive but I have had several encounters where I can tell the other person feels like they just said the wrong thing.  I hate knowing I am the reason someone else feels like they have just stuck their foot in their mouth!  

The worst is when this happens with complete strangers.  The other day I was taking my son to school and I needed to give some money to the room mother for a teacher gift.  I explained that he was out last week so I hadn't given it to her yet.  She innocently asked if everything was ok with him since he was out.  I told her it was actually me and not him why we were out and she again innocently, asked what was going on.  I cringed just thinking about how bad she was about to feel for asking. Before I could start explaining she apologized for being too nosy.  Then I felt bad for her feeling bad so I told her I didn't mind sharing.  I delicately (for her sake, not mine) told her what happened.  That poor woman.  She looked like she wanted to crawl under a rock.  The truth is I felt a little relieved to tell a complete stranger. The more I talk about it, the better I feel.  She, on the other hand struggled for the right words and walked off looking at me with pity.  Hey, on the bright side- I have not had much luck meeting other moms at this school and the day after this exchange I passed that same woman and she smiled and said an enthusiastic "Hey!"  Maybe I will get some pity-friendships out of this?!

And my poor, poor friends.  I know they are all so worried about me and are doing their best to make sure I am ok.  They have done a great job and its a hard one considering that over half of them are pregnant!  I know they just want to hide their bellies in my presence but I am trying to reassure all of them that it is ok and I am truly happy for them.  AND I AM!  

I just hate that because of my misfortune other people are getting stuck in awkward situations.  I guess finding the humor in it will help us all.  So if you run into me and you are worried about what to say, don't be!  Trust me there is nothing you can say that I haven't already thought about.  And, if you are pregnant don't feel like you have to hide your belly, much less your happiness!  I am happy for you and I still feel confident that my own pregnant belly and new baby are in my future!

**Just a side note...I have thought of so many things I would like to say following this whole ordeal but I know Momsie is not the place for that.  For my own sake I am writing about my journey through everything on my first and original blog.  I started this one way back when as a personal blog but it has been collecting dust as I get busier with Momsie and design POST.  I knew it would be the perfect place to write the more personal stuff and I only share this with all of you in case there are any other women going through fertility issues of any kind.  Its my journal of sorts to chronicle what I am learning and the great lessons I am taking away from everything!  

If you'd like check it out here...
Happy Little Olive

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